I shouldnt be here.

www.emptythosepromises.onsugar.com

No longer meant to be?

Today is a day totally without you. Yes, its vert weird and i dont like it. I dont laugh alot until Yap started to make me laugh. I miss you alot and obviously cannot do anything. Someone told me something just now, cant accept it and burst into tears. Thank you people around for your consolation. Only manage to see him thrice today. I dont have the mood to study and i was suprised i was late for chinese for about 30mins and msong did not reprimand me. Thanks Xinyi and co for your companion. Sorry Yap and Miki for repeating words in front of you two but i cant stop myself. I'm not interested in school anymore, faster suspend me. I just want to stay at home and rot in my room. I dont wish to face the world for time being, too tired to meet new things. I just want a long break, a long sleep, a very long sleep... Now, i am looking at my blog archive and our chat log. Things rly change alot for this damn month. And i saw something you said to me:"thts why i change and care for you." and alot more. I regretted alot, i shouldnt take you for granted. There's so many things around me tht will reminds me of you. I talked to mstan and alot whoever i can. I just dont want to let go and in fact i cant. Perhaps one day i may stand up again and face the reality. But obviously its not now. You will probably be my last. The one i love hurt me the most? I am going to shift to another site and come back here again one fine day. I hope when i am back to here you're also back to my side. When will be my next laugh, i wonder...

BIZARRELOVESTRIANGLE@BS, WONT COME BACK FOR TIME BEING. TOO MUCH MEMORIES, I JUST WANT TO HIDE MYSELF SOMEWHERE. :(

Wtf.

This useless blogger is making me fed up. I cant change the about me and i cant change the music. Sibeh fed up leh. -.-

10th 11th 12th.

Everything talk after your N. Love you always:)

Hard for me to understand...

I rly hope i can be like you, ignore everything and go on. Altho i dont rly know whts with us nowadays. I am sick of saying i rly love you and hope you never leave me and stuff. I tried my best to keep you to myself, its hard to get and its easy to let go. I am sorry, i am grounded and i cant accompany you but you never understand tht its something i cant choose. Who wants to be grounded or scolded everyday. I'm tired of this kind of life but i cant possible end my life cos of small lil things and its cos of you again. I dont wish to leave you alone, i want to be with you until our hair turns white. I hope you're my last. Being with you is best than ever, i never regretted choosing you, i only regretted never treasure when your good to me. Four more days to tenth month, i hope the number can be increasing months and months. I dont want to stop here cos i know there still hopes for us. My friend ask me not to give you up, she say its very difficult to maintain for so long. We've been thru alot and i swear i cant stop thinking of the past altho i know its useless. When you say i never treasure you now, did you think twice before you say? Do you know its fucking hard for me this few weeks and it going to be a month. You promised to have a good celebration for our tenth months. I see people last for very long and you always say we can do much better than them but are your actions trying to tell me you're giving up? I tried and i want to let go but srsly i dont know how. You entered my life and it will be incomplete if you leave, do you understand? Egg Yolk and Anderson, i never forget. Its our lil secret and they appeared in my mind everyday. I need you, you knew it then why are you playing with me now? Why are you giving me all sorts of question marks. I rly hope i can endure till your Nlvl but i afraid i cant. I am breaking down. Everything seems to be crashing now on me and i can hardly breathe. If from the start i know you will treat me liddat, i hope you will never pamper me so much. I rly dont know whether i am trying to be sensitive here or wht. You always have your brothers, friends and family support. But my only support is you and i only want you to be my support. You're my pillar of strength, i rly dont know wht i would be without you. You seems to be heartless day by day and my feeling for you increases day by day. Are yours dropping? Soon, i will be running out of words and tears. I only want you to be back and i swear i will treasure you this time round. People say we shouldnt give up cos of small lil mistake but you seems like the one who is giving me up. For the first time, i am so serious. I know i shouldnt cling onto you but i just dont know how to let go. 9th months maybe peanuts to others but for me its not a joke. You once said you want to be with me always, but izzit true anot for now...

I dreamt of Algin, Mabel, Ahbin, Jianxu, Kerry, Ahboon, Chunleong, Joyce and Peizong last night. Its a happy one. :(

Not fair

我的人生就是这样不公平, 我真的累了, 谁能明白lah nbccb.
So wht its my fault, fucking want ignore me until when. Nb bitches and bastard. Fuck out of my life lah. Knnccb, you all go happy lah go xio gan lah pcb. School teachers also go hongan lah.

Just another day:(

At this time i am suppose to be outside with my baby only if those kpo dont call my parents. I got scolded today and yesterday, how gr8_I_ I called Mstan just now but she ask me to call her an hour later. I feel lucky, to have such teacher like her. If she's the one who is handling with my case, she wont call my parent. She know wht kind of state will i be if she called. The rest, no brain lah. You all got read blog so wht? I now rly damn buaysong you all lah. Knn, fake only. I hope i can be unground soon, i rly miss baby... alot and alot:( i want my mum to talk to me:( How difficult more can my life be.

Baby, you may not need me anymore. I wont force you to be with me from now on. You can choose to leave anytime you want. I will treasure every minute with you but i am grounded and i cant. 9 going 10months with you, not easy to let go, but i want you to be happy i will try. Altho you cant be with me like the past but i wont be angry. I regretted alot, i shouldnt take you for granted in the past. There's no such things as time rewind or whtever shit. No point looking at the past, i can only hope tht the present is good enough. I always thought you will love me alot no matter wht but i am wrong. I dont know i am being sensitive here or its true. I hope all this will be gone after i wake up the next day. All this is coming to an end. Baby, till now i still love you alot. Tho i always ask for break but i never mean it at all. We shall see wht rly happens after your N. If things still turn out this way, i've to say sorry to myself and leave you as far as possible. 你能不能对我再冷漠一点, 至少让我以为你不再爱我了.如果能重来一次请别要再这样宠爱我, 我太幸福就会忘了爱总有慢慢变化时候. I wont complain to you anymore, i will only write in my blog. You wont see it anyway. When i realise my mistake, you started to change to another person.

I am tired and i've enough of everything. My life is meaningless, no baby's companion, no handphone, no interest in studying, no one talks to me at home, nobody actually cared for me, no true friends with me. I feel so lousy, i feel terrible.

Mum, i am sorry. Forgive me. :(

5.30pm, edited.
I am listening to Dear God now and the first tht came into my mind is my baby. Baby and I love this song alot and we have the same thoughts, we never get sick of this song. There's one period baby and i will keep listening to this song non-stop and its when we're rly very close, not much quarrel also. I remember baby love me alot tht time, he will not scold vulgar or shout at me. He will go anywhere with me, he will not leave me alone. Even i sit a seat away from him, he will not think twice but move towards me straightaway. Baby, do you remember our good times? Why did you choose to close your eyes and pretend tht you did not see tht i am working hard. I know you still care but you're trying to express it another way. But i dont want it to be like this. Can you spare a thought for me? Can you come back to normal? I dont want you to be changing your attitude every month. I want to love you peacefully. 5more days, will it be a happy one anot. I love you and i only want to be with you:(

HUGE problem, everything happened cos i chose the wrong friend. Its you, you run away when i need your help.

Fuck WESTWOOD.

I miss my baby alot. I didnt get to see him today cos i gave school a miss. I'm not feeling very well nor i want to go to school. Fuck westwood srsly. Are you all happy with the fucking result now anot. Smlj also suspension then you all might as well close down the whole school lah. Student do wrong things call parent you tell me got wht motherfucking use lah. You all like want people's family to break up or quarrelled only. Dont until last minute then want treat me good lah cb. Also dont know you all real or fake. Knnpcb. I am fucking grounded and ignored for one day. I dont know how fucking long this is going to continue. Westwood srsly suck big shit. Did so many things cos of reputation only and whts more its not good alr lah. Till now, i will still blame WESTWOOD. Tell you all i can accept all those punishment alr wht, still call for wht. You all are rly not good teachers wht, stop acting like one. Pui ah knn. I dont wish to stay in tht school pls-.-

Mum, i am sorry. I made you angry and disappointed once again. But i hope you know everybody including me make mistakes. I've learn from my mistake and i wont repeat tht again. I will study hard and not make anymore trouble in school anymore and of course i dont want to give them a chance to make me quarrel with my mum again. StupidS. I hope i can present a good result to you at the end of this year. I want you to know tht whtever you did for me i did appreciate it. Sorry once again. Your forgiveness is wht i rly wants now.

Secondly, is Mstan. She told me she was super pissed off when she knew about my case. She helped me alot and i used up 1hour of my physic lesson to talk to her. I know she's always good to me.

xpluskellyapbaby, where are you, i miss you:(

Dear today,

Wtf happened to blogger sia?!

People are having good chats at night with their loves one. Yes, i used to enjoy every night with him on the phone. But now, not even a single shit from him at night. We are not rly going happy this few days, perhaps things going to chage more and more after tht. Can do nothing but to stay aside and wait for things to happen. I yearn for us to last long but never did i think tht your attitude towards me will change to colder and colder. I dont know how long more we will be able to go thru together, but i will just treasure times with you and make you happy. I regretted so much, i want things to turn back to normal, please:( Millions shag. Sometimes, i hope i am your close buddy instead of your girlfriend. At least we wont quarrel over small lil things and we can be more close than this. Best friends tht never leave others. But my mind is replaying those happy times when you care for me so much. So sweet, so memorable.

Tomorrow sun eclipse, true anot?!?!?!

Big joke of the day

Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry
SORRY MY DEARLY BOSS:(

I feel so lousy now, i am old enough to think but why i still disgrace myself. Wtf, how am i going to forget wht happen today. I always xiasuay myself in front of Boss. Thanks boss for forgiving. Why am i so sensitive and hot-tempered this few days. I think i should get back to myself, small things shouldnt affect me in the past. The one who love to play and scream all along. Think back, tht should be me. Being the one who cry and got angry everyday its not me! Boss Nlvl approaching, i should be motivating him and encourage him instead of making him angry. I rly feel so bad. My boss is a brillant boss, he can do it one! I wont disturb him when he's studying alr! I must be good so he will love me more. Altho we may not be able to celebrate our 10th month, 11th month and one year but its ok. I must believe tht he will have more time to accompany me after his Ns and my eoy. Boss want me to study hard and score well, so i should prove it to him, he happy equal i happy. Boss is my everything, i love him alot. He did so much for me altho i may not know if he still cares for me anot but i think its time for me to give him care and give in to him. After wht happened this few days think your mood should be as bad as mine, unless you dont care. He told me something very sweet to me just now when we were quarrelling, 如果我没有考好我的Nlvl, 我改次怎样养你怎样带你出去玩. I think i should look at him and smile lo, but dont know why i sit there and ignore him leh. Nevermind, no used broading over it alr. Should look forward! Boss, ten more days. I hope to have a happy one, but if you're busy i can understand:) Sorry and thankyou and love you.

More than you expected

Hili Hala, things not rly going well this few days. I nearly lose you yesterday. Rly appreciated your last chance, i may not be as good as you think but i will strive for the best in you. During this period of time, i keep trying to achieve the place in your heart, i got it in a short while. But a small lil mistake pull me down once again. Its not your fault, its my fault. I can do nothing but try to get back wht i should have. I want you to belong to me only, not others. Yes, i am selfish but love is never fair and square. Who dont want her boyfriend to stick to her. I rly miss those times you cared for me so much, everything came thru your mind first is me, the first one you wanted to protect is me, the one who stop me when i am leaving. All these gone with the wind. The moment when you tell me tht your brothers are much more important to you than me, i rly gone speechless but i cant do anything i have to put blames on myself. I know, no matter how much and how hard i am trying to be as important to you as the past it will never be the same. I can only leave all to the fate. If i am important means i am, if i am not, regardless how much i do i am always not. I hope you can care more for me cos you're very important to me. I sneezed a minute ago are you the one who is missing me? :(

Been thru so many, rly dont wish to let go just liddat. Dont wish to see those changes in you but can you tell me wht can i do to make you not being so cold to me. :'(

After yesterday i realise there's sweet and caring friends around me, tho we not tht close anymore but you3 still make tht effort to come down and comfort me. Love you3 more than whts expected. Not forgetting some friends from 8head, not rly close but still gives me some encouraging words.

Bullshits

I dont know wht brought me back to blogger. I just feel bored so i came here. Went for ITE visit today, saw Kenneth and Jianxu. The food there are much more nicer than Westwoodsuck. The talk is nice and bored. I only remember tht i were playing with Farah's helicopter. LOL, and it was when the instructor was talking. From his expression, i can see tht he sibeh fucked up alr. Tomorrow is another day visiting there. I like the merge part when five ITE is going to merge into a sibeh dua college but i still prefer Sp:):) Reached school around 4.30pm, waiting for the big butt boss till 5.30pm. Sibeh dua pai sia, make me and Farah waited for him for one hour. I like Farah cos she always have never ending topic to chat with me. I miss Maby:(